hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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