what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
