How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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