I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
