Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
