I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
