I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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