Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
