Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
