first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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