Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
