Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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