I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
