let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
