How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
