I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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