Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
