24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
