if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
