She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
