I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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