with your own penis?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
