he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
