Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
