I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
