my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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