Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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