Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
