I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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