get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
