Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
