I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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