is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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