My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
