So drunk its hurt
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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