Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
