Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize