hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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