hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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