Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your cock deserves a montage
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
