I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize