we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
