I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
