Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
