Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
