wrigley field is MILF paradise
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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