Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
