i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
