That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
