I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
