i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
