dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
