I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
