I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
