i think my tv is drunk
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
