i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
