We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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