so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
