I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
