too bad you live with your parents still
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
