A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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