apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
