There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
