Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
