I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
