I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
