He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
