that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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