Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
