Moan for me like Helen Keller
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
