I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize