Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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