The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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