Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
