Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
