just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
