if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
