I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
