What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize