Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just cropdusted the office
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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