Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
