Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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