Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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